Not Everyone Has That Privilege

I was at a client-site late last week, and on my way out I stopped at the bathroom. It looked like it was occupied so I yelled inside, “Anyone in here? Can I come in?” The custodian replied, “Yea sure, I just got in here.” From the sound of it, I knew it was James; he has been taking care of the custodial services for this client for several years. I’ve known him for several months casually in passing.

He is usually very social and friendly, but hadn’t said anything yet. As I washed my hands, I said “Hey, how are you holding up, ready to get out of here soon?” He replied, “Yeah man, I don’t want to be here today, my grandmother passed away two days ago.“

I had a really tough time responding to him because I never had a great relationship with my grandparents. Instead of making life easier, they made it harder for us when my family came here from India. A particular memory I have is when I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after school, my grandmother noticed me putting too much peanut butter and forced me to take it off and put it back in the jar.

So instead of saying “Sorry for your loss” to James, I told him “Hey man, keep your head up. I didn’t have the best relationship with my grandparents, but I can tell your grandmother meant a lot to you. I didn’t have that privilege. Consider yourself very lucky to have those good memories with her because there are a lot of people that never even got that chance.”

He said, “Thanks man. She was a great woman that always welcomed anyone into her home, and treated everyone with love and respect.” I replied, “Sounds like a good person, take care of yourself and get out of here soon.”

This was just a moment in my life that I wanted to share because I think it reflects an important value that we seem to forget in our day-to-day lives. Your loved ones won’t be with you forever. Enjoy the memories that you make with them, and show your appreciation for them. Not everyone has that privilege.

-Aksh S.
‘The Reach Project’

Where Is This World Going?

I have a tremendous amount of respect for my father and appreciate the sacrifices he made to get our family to where it is today.  He is the source of what motivates me to do good in the world, be honest, and stay humble.

He turned 60 last year, and for the past several years his concern is often: “Where is this world going? Conditions seems to getting worst year after year with natural resources running out”.  Everyone in the world is always concerned with themselves and keeps taking, taking, and taking.  He always says “You should always strive to make the world a better place.  Leave the world better than when you got it, so your kids can enjoy it.“

I started this year by putting his words into action.  I decided to be ‘GREEN‘!

I recognized the least eco-friendly thing I do is driving an SUV that gets 20-24mpg on an average of 22,000 miles/year.  I bought a second car last Friday – a 2000 Jetta *Diesel* – that gets 48 mpg!  Diesel engines are generally 40% more efficient than their gasoline counter parts.  Not only do I decrease my carbon footprint, I am now saving nearly $150/month in gas.

The main reason I purchased this car is because this owner had installed a ‘Greasecar system’.  This car also runs on Vegetable oil! There is no difference in fuel economy between diesel and vegetable oil.  I have 2 fuel tanks, with a combined total capacity of 26 gallons and a range of 1500 miles on a full tank.

So where do you get Vegetable oil from?  Most fuel their vehicles with filtered frying oil that is collected from local restaurants. Most restaurants are happy to give their oil away as the generally have to pay disposal fees.  So now, the money I spend on gas is $0.00/month and I help get rid of bad oil being disposed by restaurants.

Checkout the car:

The Car

Inside

Checkout the Grease Kit

2nd Fuel Tank Controls

2nd Fuel Tank

What is the most wasteful aspect of your lifestyle? Are there any adjustments you’re willing to make to help make the world more ‘green’?

-AK

I Got My Cookie, You Gotta Get Your Cookie.

I had to stay late one day for work, and decided to hit up Subway for dinner. I got in line for my 5 dollar foot long and ordered the chicken breast sandwich. But after my chicken breast got added, I noticed what the customer in front of me got … the subway cashier lady had stuffed 3 chocolate chip cookies in her bag for FREE!!!! I love chocolate chip cookies and so I immediately got excited for my free cookies. BUT after I paid for my sandwich, I made some strong eye contact with the cashier and then to the cookies. AND didn’t get a damn thing.

It wasn’t about the cookies, but I consider myself to be a reasonable guy and get along with just about everybody. What was so special about this lady in front of me, that she could get free cookies and I couldn’t?

Naturally, the next two weeks saw an increase in my Subway sandwich intake. My new goal for lunch was to get some free cookies! But it wasn’t until after 1 week of rejection that the stars aligned and I saw that same woman there again and sure enough she got her free cookies. As she went through the line in front of me, I studied her intently as she went through the counter.

The woman was friendly, greeted everyone in line, and even knew about one of the Subway staff’s new boyfriend. She had an overall warm energy toward the Subway staff. She acknowledged them, shared a good laugh AND of course she got her cookies.

I realized what I was missing everyday, just like everyone else. I was going through the motions. I got in line, ordered my sandwich, said, ‘Yes, can I get the chicken breast….swiss please….um…extra green peppers, yes tomatoes, oh uh no pickles….thx.’ I’m not mean, but sometimes just find myself in my own head. Sadly, on some days, I don’t even think I actually noticed who was making my sandwich.

Of course for the next two weeks, I started making small talk, had a few mini conversations with all the staff, and more than anything else made eye contact. And a few weeks later, without any expectations, I finally got my free cookie!!! YES, I was worthy, I had earned it…but also learned an important lesson:

Take a moment to acknowledge and connect with everyone you come across. Regardless of who they are.

And in some cases, you might even be rewarded with a free cookie.

(PS…I did get a free cookie, but it wasn’t a chocolate chip cookie, it was a SUGAR cookie!!!!….oh well…good enough for now).

Five Things To Know About Being Self-Employed

So what have I been doing for the past few months?! There has been no Reach Project post for three months, contrary to what most of my friends are thinking, The Reach Project is NOT dead.

I’ve been focused on building my business: Sphinx Solutions, Inc.

Now that I’ve accomplished my business goals for the year, I have crawled out of my hole to share some important things I’ve learned about the reality of being ‘self-employed’.

1. Being Self-Employed Can Be Risky

The key word is ‘can’. A lot of people talk about having an ‘awesome idea’, ‘being a CEO’, ‘having my own business someday’, but how badly do they really want it? I think its very imporatnt for people to evaluate their commitment to the business and the risks that come along with it. If there was no risk/fear/challenge everyone would do it. Building a business for me was a challenge, something positive, something I wanted to do 150%. Once I was committed, I did everything to decrease the level of risk. What made it easier was that I came from nothing, and so had nothing to lose.  I know how to live poor, and If I had to sell my fancy BMW and go back to that 1989 toyota corolla station wagon, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Thankfully today, I don’t have those worries. The business is stable, we have several long term contracts and a solid footprint in our sector.

2. Know When To Say No

When you start a company, its hard to say ‘No’ to any opportunity or customer that comes in. I’ve had hundreds of customers over the years, nearly all have been great. The classic 80/20 rule applies here: 80% of your good customers will cause 20% of your problems. 20% of your bad customers will cause 80% of your problems. I’ve been in situations where an $83,000 project will go smoothly with the right customer and doing a $5,000 project with the wrong customer gives me headaches for months. Stand your ground, know what you are worth, and know when to walk away.

A lot of businesses offer everything; there is nothing they can’t do. I’ve realized it is not only important to be selective about who you work with, but also what kind of work you do. Our business does not offer 28 different services. We offer 3 and we are are the best in the industry. That has been a key factor in building our excellent reputation and our ability to hire and keep our employees happy.

3. Good Help Is Hard To Find

A business is just a name with a tax-id; the people make the business. I believe at least 90% of people are in positions they are not passionate about. Anyone that works for my company is 100% passionate about what they do. I have the privilege of working with professionals who have built a great reputation for the business. I do everything in my power to reward them and make sure they are completely happy in their positions. Every person who has been with the company for at least 2 years may take advantage of the Dream-Catchers Program, which rewards up to $5,000 in travel and hotel expenses to any destination. Life is not all about work; I’d like to help people knock a few items off the bucket list.

4. It can be Stressful

I’d be lying to you if I said I only work 40 hours a week. This has been a great year for Sphinx Solutions, Inc. For the past few months I’ve put in some serious hours, and its paid off. BUT my personal life has taken a hit. It was just last month, I got burnt out and finally realized I can’t do everything. I have to recognize my strengths and weaknesses.  For example, I’m good at business development, but I don’t know anything about accounting. Now, I could work 40-50 hours/week, and spend another 20 hrs/week to learn accounting OR I can find a person’s whose strength is accounting. Align with people that share a similar vision and combine strengths to build something together. No one person can do it all.

5. Say less, do more.

A good friend of mine has a Iphone App development company called Kadamedia.  I’m almost 100% sure that if he had asked his friends and family whether/not he should start the company, he would have gotten a ton of negative feedback: ‘what do you know about iphone apps?’, ‘are you a programmer?’. But I admire him because he is about action, action, and action. Once he decides, he just does it. He hired programmers from overseas, designed the concept of the game, defined the requirements (his strength), and hired programmers to build the game(s) to his specifications (his weakness).

Money is an obvious reward to having a successful business, but has paled in comparison to my personal growth. When you have a business, you’re putting your name on it. You are constantly learning and growing. The results are honest and real.

The day I stop growing and learning is the day I start doing else with my life.

A WMATA Metro Story

I’m the guy in the elevator with 5 people in it, or the guy in the metro who breaks the silence and says hello. I look at it this way: people are real. Our problems are real-. I like to think that by being nice or making someone laugh I could make it a little easier to breathe for someone else -whether I know them or not.

I’m not trying to say you should run around handing daisies to everybody but damn, a simple hello is nice. I was inspired to write this week’s post after a friend of mine told me how she got onto a Metro train after a hard day at work in tears. A stranger reached out to her on the train and a few simple words of kindness surprised her and completely transformed her day. She got off at her stop with the burdens of her day completely lifted.

Her story…‘I was well aware that folks could tell I was crying on the Metro. Somewhere around Anacostia, a gentleman said to me “Sweetheart! Are you crying?” I told him I was just a little stressed and am not very good with dealing with stress. He said to me that he was in the ministry, on the way to a revival, and he didn’t like to see people in pain. And he said, “My father always said, if someone hurt you, it’s going to happen again at least twice.” (Which is true when applied to my boss). “If you could just smile…just smile about it…can you get to that point where you can laugh about it?” I told him it was all actually quite funny. He told me, he wasn’t being flirtatious, it was just that he was a stranger and I was a stranger and he was concerned that i said I was not good at dealing with stress. I told him that my crying was the extent of it. And then he said, “See if you can laugh about it, and I promise, you will rebound.” And then he got up from his seat and walked away.

It was an amazing moment. I bet other people were aware. But the way that stranger reached out to me like that is so touching to me. Honestly brings me to tears again thinking about it. In difficult times I will try to remember that moment. There are some really good people out there. Afterwards I had dinner with a friend of mine from elementary school, Erica, and just chatting with her about her whilrwind romance just made my day so much better. It was nice to have a real live person listening to me and someone to tell me girly stories. Yesterday was just a very clear example of how important my friends and family are to me, even in my sucky times. But it was also a really great example of the kindness of strangers.’

This week, reach out to a stranger. Try a random act of kindness. DOn’t underestimate the impact you could make.

Meeting Two Old Guys In Boston

I was in Boston a few months ago on business. While taking a break in the hotel executive lounge one day after work, I met a newly retired guy. The gentleman, Adam, was in his 60s and had only retired 2 weeks prior. I found out after chatting with him that he was meeting an old friend from high school. Little did I know that our chance meeting would give me a valuable opportunity to learn from someone with decades of business experience.

Anyway, this gentleman and his friend had made it a habit over the years to meet up when they could. As Boston was their hometown, where they had gone to school together nearly 50 years ago, both end up in Boston quite often and meet up. Turns out his buddy is a 4 star Marine general – THE GUY who provides strategy and advice on the Middle East for the Marines. Adam also had had a successful career – built and sold a very successful construction company. Partway through the conversation, they paused to talk about the guy showing up on one of the TVs in the lounge – some Democratic strategist on CNN.

“He’s a great speaker,” the general said. “But the funniest thing – his wife is actually the biggest Republican I know.”

The converation then turned to decisions, something I’ve always been curious about. Becoming more decisive and learning how to make hard decisions is something I’m trying to learn more about.

The general said, “It’s about your GUT feeling, that first intuition you get. Sometimes there is nothing logical about it, but you just have to move.”

When I brought up that I was from upstate NY in one part of our conversation, Adam said, “I was driving through upstate NY, and had pulled into stay at a hotel for a night a rest. Got in, went to a bar, and started shooting the shit with another bar patron, who introduced himself as Frederick. Frederick, who mentioned that he is ‘in overnight’ when I asked him what he does for a living.” Frederick, it seems, had tried a few business ideas and was now trying out delivery services. After a little while, Adam got tired and headed to bed.

“About three or four years later,” continued Adam, “I was at a family dinner where I met my cousin’s husband – who’s a pilot for a company whose Founder, Chairman, President, and CEO was that same Frederick – Frederick W. Smith, of FedEx corporation.” (Learn More)

God damn, that is ridiculous. We all shared a good laugh about that one. I felt bold enough at that point to share some of the embarrassing business failures I’ve had in the past. They said to me, “I don’t like failure, but also kind of like it because it’s one mistake I won’t make again and I’m one step closer to success. Enjoy your successes and learn from your failure. No failure is an utter loss. Or even better, don’t think of it as failure, but ideas that didn’t work.”

Somehow I connected with these two very accomplished guys – both much older than me. It was a very memorable experience, learning about people’s successes AND failures from these gentlemen.

This is not just about ‘meeting two old guys from boston’, they have lived and come full circle!

What are you going to STOP doing?

***UPDATE***These past few weeks, I haven’t written a blog because I’ve been dissecting my life and thinking about all the things I need to stop doing to grow to the next level. I feel like I’m on a plateau and I need to get to the next BUMP to start the next chapter of my life!

My brother recently graduated from college, and I’ve been pressing him to write down a ’5 year plan’ and share it with me. More than four weeks pass and still no plan. For the most part I’m the big brother that gives advise to questions he never asks and most probably finds annoying. So…I had a different suggestion.

Instead, I urge ANYONE who hates setting ‘goals’, creating ‘5 year plans’ to do something COMPLETELY different. Write down all the things you are going to STOP doing!

It wasn’t easy for me to come to this mindset. My early twenties were a rollercoaster ride. It was a period of being overwhelmed with personal and professional goals and striving to reach them. I was working a full-time job while partying, racing cars and traveling. I was going out most days of the week after work, coming home late at night, and then starting the process again in the morning. I averaged maybe 4-5 hours of sleep. I wore myself too thin, and it affected my health, pushing my cholesterol to 206. Within the past year, however, all of this has changed.

I don’t go out like I used to. I’m still a kid at heart, but have matured and look at everything from a different lens. Instead I’ve replaced some of that going out with events that support causes I care about, and hanging out with friends I hope to know for a lifetime. My choice was to stop letting the future overwhelm me and instead think about what I needed to do to improve my present quality of life.

Do You Know Who Lula Is?

This is his life snapshot:

A boy from Brazil born in 1945, at the age of 7 sold peanuts to support his family…His mom leaves her abusive alcoholic husband and raises him and his 6 other siblings…he gets a job as a metal worker in the factories…At 24, he falls in love with a woman named Lordes…Seven months pregnant she gets very ill, loses the baby and dies from hepatitis…devastated with the loss he starts the FIGHT against system for better worker rights and against corruption…became the president of the ‘metal worker’s union’…led 3 million workers in a series of strikes…for this, he got put in jail for a term of 3 1/2 years…the public’s pressure and further support gets him recognized in one month….he continues his fight for union rights and democratic elections…decides to run for Congress in 1982…and loses….he tries again in 1986 and is successful…he helps ratify freedom of speech, right to vote, and universal health care…3 years later decides to run for president…loses in 1990…loses in 1994..loses in 1998…but in 2003 he is elected (‘A letter to the Brazilian People’)….he cut taxes, boosted infrastructure, pumped $100 billion into social programs (‘Bolsa Familia’)…his efforts expanded the middle class from 43% to 52%.

This guy’s life reads like a fairy tale. I’m putting him on my ‘hero’s list’ because of his great patience and persistence. A person of action and practical policy who changed the fate of millions, and more importantly put Brazil on the map among countries like China and India.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of picking up the phone and calling him for advice. BUT I have a great corny alternative which works even better. I have a picture of him among my other heroes who I look at very often. Him looking at me, and me knowing what he has accomplished is enough to destroy any and all of my excuses. As I look at the picture, I’m thinking ‘He has two legs and two arms just like I do…no reason I shouldn’t get off my ass and start kicking ass at life’.

What Do You Think You Deserve?

My friend Peter has had the toughest time getting over this ex-girlfriend. She told him her reason for breaking it off was because he wasn’t established. He couldn’t provide her with the lifestyle she was accustomed to. She has a master’s degree and makes $67,000/year and he has an Associates degree and makes $40,000/yr. I’ve known Peter for the last 5 years, and one thing Peter is good at is: complaining and marinating in the ‘I’m such a loser’ frame of mind.

I’m not saying what I told him was the right thing to say, but I had finally reached a boiling point. I told him, ‘If you make $40,000 dollars, that’s exactly what you deserve to make. Everything you have in your life is exactly what you deserve. Life doesn’t give you anything for free. BUT if you feel like you deserve more than what you have, then you gotta put in the work. And if you can’t put in the work, then go join a water cooler group and complain together with other complainers. Its not gonna change anything. WAKE UP and start acting like a man!’

I’m so glad I was straight with him, and didn’t say, ‘Hey man, its OK. She didn’t mean that. Be positive. It will get better.’ Just this past month I’ve seen huge strides. His place is immaculate, he just signed up for classes at a community college, and currently working with HR to make a lateral move into something a bit more stable and lucrative.

There are areas of my life where ‘what I deserve’ does not equal ‘what i have’. in the past I would compare myself to other ‘more successful people’ and get frustrated. Now, I only think 7 days in advance. Every Sunday I figure out what I need to get done, re-evaluate progress weekly, make adjustments and keep it moving forward.

The problem I’ve noticed is ‘what I deserve’ has no ceiling. I’ve realized there will always be something better out there. I have specifically written down EXACTLY what I deserve. I’ve marked where my finish line is. I’m enjoying the race to success and when I reach my goal, its time to RELAX and ENJOY time with the friends that supported me, and the family that’s always been there. There will always be a game to be played, the hardest thing is knowing when to walk away.

Never Forget A Name

My friends clown on me constantly for forgetting names. It doesn’t bother me much, but what’s the worst is having a great conversation with a person I just met and 45 minutes later not being able to remember their name. It breaks rapport, and is very embarrassing. This has happened more than a few times, and I deeply regret it.

So of course I did the nerdy thing – I went to the library and found some books for a solution. I’ve read several books in pursuit of a solution, and came up with something that is FUN and works really well!

The golden rule is: Use the law of association to remember names. Every author stated, ‘Associate new names with safety stored information in your memory. Keep it simple. Just remember the name and a few features. Don’t force bizarre association – just natural ones.’ I thought this was VERY boring. In one example, the author gives an example of remembering a name like ‘Graham Spalding’, by thinking of Graham crackers, and Spalding for golf balls. My thought was, what are the odds of meeting a ‘Graham Spalding’, lol.

What I found to be more effective is being really present in the moment whenever I meet someone new. I try to make good eye contact and really listen to the name when they say it. My favorite part of remembering names and faces is to notice a unique mannerism/feature, and to take a guess on the type of job they do, hobby they may have, haircut, etc. I give them a whole personality associated with their name. For example, I was recently introduced to a ‘Jesse’, and I remember her name because she had this bad ass Rihanna looking haircut, ‘in your face’ kind of posture, almost felt like she was pretending to be a bad-ass…hmm, I mentally played a little movie of her riding a Harley-Davidson. It reminded me of Jesse James, Sandra Bullock’s husband…

The 5 things I say to myself when trying to remember a name:

1. ‘I’m gonna remember this!’ – Repeat the full name immediately after I am told.
2. ‘I still got it’ – 15-30 seconds later say it back to myself, and if I forget its still not too late to ask again.
3. ‘I’m making my movie’ – I create quick 3-4 snapshots of that person in the world I created, and store it. 1 minute later say the name.
4. ‘I’m on top of it’ – 5 minutes later – play the movie, look at them, say the name.
5. ‘The moment’ – 10 minutes later just as I think they have forgotten my name, I’ll conciedently say their (all there friend’s name) and wait for the reaction! (pretty much EVERY single time, people are pleasantly surprised and I’m no longer just another ‘JOE’)

Think about this blog post the next time you’re in a conversation with a hot girl/guy, and want to remember the name. I’ve messed it up and it probably cost me some great relationships.

-AK ‘The Reach Project’

PS. Four VERY *true* things about learning names:

1. People who are poor at making good eye contact are also poor at remembering names.
2. Studies show people forget 40% of new information in 20 minutes.
3. People don’t remember names because they are thinking of what they are going to say back.
4. Its easier to remember ‘halleberry’ than ‘Halle’ ‘Berry’, first/last names need to be combined.